Sunday, August 03, 2008

A note from Ireland

We, in Ireland, can't figure out why people are even bothering to hold
an election in the United States.

On one side, you have a pants-wearing lawyer, married to a lawyer who can't keep his pants on, who just lost a long ...and heated primary against a lawyer who goes to the wrong church who is married to yet another lawyer... who doesn't even like the country her husband wants to run.

Now. . . On the other side, you have a nice old war hero whose name starts with the appropriate "Mc" terminology, ...married to a good looking younger woman who owns a beer distributorship.

What in Lords name are ye lads thinking over there in the colonies ???"


He has a point!

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Wednesday, May 21, 2008

How to be a Winner

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets", and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs.

The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.

The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

But to Farmer John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result. The judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making: who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Vote carefully this year... The bells are not always audible.

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